Reader’s Note: This is an extended essay and an audio version (25min) has been provided of it read by the author – Evita Ochel, for your listening pleasure below.

Listen to the audio version of this article

This month – January 2011 – marks the 3 year anniversary of I am not one to count or celebrate birthdays or anniversary years, as I feel each day gives us the opportunity to make the most of our life, and not be limited by an illusory number. However, this time, this year, this moment, has turned out to be a defining moment in my own life.

The past few months have awakened within me something, which I was in many ways denying and not ready for. But the time has come to reflect openly with you because it is directly tied to the purpose of this web site and who I am.

What has been happening within the past few months, is to me nothing short of a deep subconscious cleansing. It is not the first and, it is I am sure, not the last. While I should rejoice that my subconscious mind is finally coming into better and clearer alignment with my to-date-evolved conscious mind, I would be lying if I said it was easy.

And so I share with you some lessons very dear to my heart, that have been birthed from this internal transition.

What Three Years Has Taught Me

When I first started this site –, I had attained such a deep level of clarity, peace and happiness in my own life. Over the year leading up to its start, I had just experienced what can best be called a “spiritual awakening”. I felt blocks and limits of years past melt away. I connected dots to see many bigger pictures, and for the first time in my life, I saw through the illusions that many of us attach to, and call daily life. Any kind of drama no longer interested me. I released most traditions and belief systems, I was born into or brought up with. I began from scratch to formulate, for the first time in my life, my very own understanding of life and our world, trying to release the viral thought patterns that are passed around in society.

With this great peace, happiness and clarity in my own life, I thought I could teach and help others to have that too. And what have 3 years taught me? That I can’t. Read on though, as it is so much more complex then it seems.

For starters I have learned that there are three main blocks to this process:

First, while I can want the best of happiness and peace for others, and write all the right articles, guides and books to guide them to that, no amount of me wanting, ensures their having. We each have our own free will, our own journey. Some people are actually happy with average happiness and have no intentions of wanting to live the ‘Heaven on Earth’ that is possible. So while there is lots of valuable information today, especially thanks to the Internet, what I have found in 3 years is that while many people are genuinely interested in change for the better, many others are not. Most are either not ready or willing to go as deep as they need to, in order to experience true liberation of the being. Some may simply talk of change, but do little to walk the talk. They may find this deeper sort of change, too “inconvenient” when it comes to applying it to their daily life.

Others yet may appear to be asking for help, but in fact are not at all interested in it. A lot of people do ask for help, but in fact when given a solution, want nothing to do with it. It was sobering to accept that a lot of us are addicted to pain and suffering, and thus find it more comforting to stay in that state, than embrace a new path. This was startling to me at first, but I have come to understand it and make peace with it.

Secondly, I have learned that personal changes, personal evolution and living out a life based on a state of greater peace and happiness is a very experiential and divinely timed thing. All the theory in the world, all the right words or advice from someone else won’t do much, unless that person is ready to embrace them in their life. We can read all the right books, visit all the right sites and attend all the right conferences. But in the end, unless we really grasp what we are learning and apply it, we may not be much further along than where we started. So again, speaking all the “right stuff” and actually living all the “right stuff” are two very different things and one does not ensure the other.

Lastly, I found that an even bigger block to what I was trying to accomplish, were blocks within myself to speak with hardcore honesty. What I mean here, is that often times there were things that my heart and soul were aching to share with others, to bring more awareness on important topics, which I resisted. I had whole articles written on topics in my head, but they never made it onto paper. I was subconsciously afraid of how others would perceive it, which of course should never be our concern, as we can never control how others perceive things. I was projecting onto others, their not readiness to hear what I needed to share, because deep down… I was not ready to share it. I was afraid on a subconscious level of being judged, of being seen as a radical, of making people feel “uncomfortable”, or being some controversial personality. And more so, I didn’t want to get into any heavy debates with anyone, so best keep things light and not ruffle too many feathers. This is where my subconscious and conscious mind did not line up. My conscious mind said go for it, while my subconscious said otherwise – and we know at the end of the day, the subconscious mind wins.

And so many topics, many lessons, many messages never came, as fitting in and looking socially acceptable, overrode my internal need to express my true being. Sure I pushed the envelope here and there, but in no way to the degree that I was being called to from within. And sometimes, at the end of the day, I honestly thought, what’s the point if people don’t really want to change anyway? They would much rather hear a nice story, which does not disturb their day, than actually make them think about the bigger things in life.

So you may be thinking, what could have possibly been the reason for this? Was I hiding my true self deliberately? Did I want to be seen as something I wasn’t? Well, not at all in fact. What you, the reader got here for the past three years is myself, but in a rather “tranquilized” form. Don’t worry, you were not the only one. I was living with that form of myself, myself. To one degree or another, we are all programmed to not be fully ourselves, thanks to the workings of our society. What else happens to us, is that as our conscious mind evolves to a new way of being, our subconscious mind normally lags behind. It takes some deep inner work normally to bring our subconscious mind up to speed with our conscious mind. I am definitely not fully there yet in every area, but I know that when we are, our true potential is fully unleashed.

My whole essence of how I live my life and what I teach to others is always first and foremost, be true to yourself. And while I was being this to a large degree, what I did not realize, was the power 30 years of social conditioning had on my subconscious mind. I was programmed on a subconscious level to suppress my true being, for no better reason, than to “fit in” and not cause a stir. Because after all, that is what “nice girls” do. They are kind, polite and respectful, and they do not make others feel uncomfortable, even when discomfort can be the greatest catalyst, for the most effective change in our lives.

So when I awoke to a completely new reality of living and being, seeing through the illusions most of us live in each day, I found myself as part of the minority. I then faced being the one to have to break this news to a lot of people if I chose to heed my inner calling and stand for what this site is all about. Naturally I didn’t have to, but this is what my inner being was calling me to do, help others wake up too. This was part of being true to myself.

And so it is easy to see why this doesn’t make you very popular with many, since you burst the illusory bubbles of reality and make people consider the hard facts of why we are where we are, on this planet today. And so I stayed in limbo a bit, speaking my truth, and yet speaking it very softly as to not cause too much of a stir, for too many. However, I think that time has ended, because what I have also come to realize in these 3 years, is that I am not doing what I am doing, for some popularity contest. I am interested in genuinely helping people and shaping a better world for all. I am interested in being an agent of change, helping people wake up and help raise the collective consciousness of this planet and the human race. Hence, those who are interested to hear what I have to say, will stay, while those who won’t will move on, and it doesn’t change who I am either way.

The Price of Social Acceptance

I have finally come to realize what was happening with me over the past few months. The time has come for my inner voice to speak forth, more loudly and honestly than it ever has before. Thus what was happening, and only because I was finally ready for it, is nothing short of a deep subconscious cleansing.

We all have within us, so many paradigms, thought forms and belief patterns that do not serve us one bit. While many of us think we are living life on our own terms, I doubt anyone comes even close to 100%. We have all been influenced and brainwashed one way or another to be, think and act a certain way.

So where does the majority of this come from? Everywhere. Look around you, from religions to political groups. From family traditions to educational conformity. In one way or another, we are all living out the truths of others. And don’t get me wrong, there is no one person or group to blame. In fact there is no one to blame. We have all been a part of this, have nurtured it and allowed it to grow. Most of you do it with your own kids every single day, when you do not for example allow your kids to get upset with you, when they see through the illusions of life. Our society pushes and favors conformity, acceptance and obedience on every level. We do not speak out against the crimes done to our fellow beings, we do not speak out about the chemicals our food, water and air is doused with, many don’t even speak out in their own relationships about what matters to them.

No wonder we have so many teens acting out in various ways. Their spirit is hurting. Unfortunately as with most of us, we get into our 20’s and the bigger false pressures of society set in, making us leave behind any chance we had at a life of true freedom from any kind of mental oppression.

Let’s look at some more examples. Our religions, no matter how strict or how open, lay out for us the “rules” of life. From what to believe, to how to act, what rituals to practice, the list goes on. Many people have shared with me in the past, that the reason they like and follow a religion is to have a sense of belonging. But I ask you today to ask yourself, what is the price, what is the cost to you of that sense of belonging?

Let’s look at social circles. We all so much want to fit in, to be seen as good enough, as worthy enough of love. We keep so many friend and family members in our life, even when their toxic treatment of us is literally killing us. So again I ask you to ask yourself, what is the price to you of this sort of acceptance?

Let’s look at our governing bodies. We don’t want to be seen as the radicals or the rebels and so we continue to support governments who are leading us on their own agendas of power and greed. We feed ourselves and our families toxic food and place toxic chemicals on our bodies, because that is what everyone around us is doing, and heaven forbid we stand out of the crowd. And so again, what is the real cost to you, of this sort of fitting in?

Before I go any further, please do not misunderstand this article as some form of bitterness or anger coming out towards any part of our society. Although if it was, it should be okay, because we are all free to feel what we want to feel. This is something I am from now on learning to embrace more fully than ever before.

However, my point in all of this is, that every single day when we wake up, we face a day where most of us want nothing more than to “belong”, to “fit in”, to not “cause a stir“. But what are we sacrificing in the midst of this incessant sense of being accepted?

Many of you reading this may be thinking, surely not I, I stand up for my beliefs and live my own truths fully. Well believe me when I say that I was never a crowd follower. This is why this caught me totally off guard, that if this could happen to me, imagine the people who are the “followers”. And so this made me realize ever so strongly, the power of years of societal conditioning had on my subconscious mind and hence my state of self and who I truly was. We are all suffering from this in one way or another.

This need not make you sad or depressed, it is simply meant to awaken you.

Also, please do not misunderstand, there is nothing inherently wrong with being part of a community, in fact it CAN be a wonderful thing, but NOT when it sabotages who we truly are. This is the problem I am trying to examine.

Every single day, so many of us hold back on being our truest, fullest selves, pushing aside what is really important to us. So many of us hold back and deny who we are, for the sake of being accepted and fitting in. We do it in our families, we do it with our friends, we do it in our churches, political places and on the street with strangers.

In fact, there are very few people I know who are able to be truly open and true to themselves, no matter where they are or who they are with. Some of us are better at this in various situations, but overall what I have found in 3 years especially, is not just a deeper suppression of who I truly am, but of the human race.

We live in a society, where it is more socially acceptable to lie, than to be honest, than to express what we are truly feeling, thinking or wanting. Examples of this are countless and if you are honest with yourself, you will see them in your own life, perhaps on a daily basis.

And so I think back to myself and the cleansing alignment taking place. As strong, courageous and independent as I thought I was, I have recently learned how much I have been holding back – years of repression. Boy I tell you, when you start poking around in your subconscious mind, get ready for volcanoes to erupt. I have no doubt that my “volcano” was triggered by the deep Vipassana Meditation work I did last fall.

And so I think back as to how much of myself I have been taught to repress.

How many times I have done something that was less than harmonious to my heart and soul, just to please another? Or how many times I didn’t do, what my heart and soul were calling me to do, due to the conditioned mind not wanting to make a “fuss”?

How many times have I held back from speaking out about my own passions, out of fear what other people would think?

How many times have I held back from speaking out about compassionate treatment of animals by the dietary choices we make, out of fear of not bruising any spiritual Egos?

How many times have I held back from speaking out for peace on every level in our life, including not killing insects, out of fear of being ridiculed?

How many times have I held back from sharing my truth, out of fear that it will be seen as less than or not good enough, based on someone else’s standards?

How many times have I denied myself, to make another feel good about themselves?

This may be a normal way of life for many people, but I tell you again, this shocked me greatly because I have been seeing through this way of life in others, thinking I was past it.

Our society may continue to teach us, that this way of living is somehow the noble path, yet every physical and mental aspect of my being tells me otherwise.

We have been taught and molded to believe that the way of self sacrifice is the righteous way, yet my heart and soul do not agree for one moment.

Embracing Our True Self

The time has come in the evolution of this Earth, where many of us can no longer live as less than who we are. We cannot go on pretending that the current way of life is harmonious or sustainable to ourselves, each other or this planet. Thanks to the massive spiritual awakening taking place currently and over the past few years, we are seeing clearer beyond the veils and illusions of the life placed before us, than we perhaps ever have before.

I won’t pretend that embracing our true self is some easy thing. It isn’t. It is easier in some areas of our life than others, and for some people more than others. But in general, it is one of the toughest things for us all to do. To be so true, so transparent, so ourselves and be okay with however that gets perceived by others.

None of us are immune to this, and it becomes that much tougher for those being in any kind of spotlight. Being a writer and speaker, and sharing myself with hundreds of people each day leaves me even more vulnerable. However, I want this to be an even bigger reason and inspiration to embrace my truest self. After all, leading by example is one of the best ways to teach.

And so I know enough today, to know, that there is no greater reward, no greater success, no greater personal fulfillment. I know for myself, that there is no way I am going to waste yet another lifetime living life for, and through others. Part of spiritual evolution and what this web site is all about, is to re-member the true self, and live up to it – live the highest version that we can be. Be ourselves, fully, truly, wholly and completely. Embrace the divine being that we are, and not settle for thinking we are unfit, unwhole or unworthy.

And so from this time on, I choose to live out the most recent, highest version of the true me. This is the me, that I am embracing right now. It is neither static, constant, nor is it perfect. It is ever and always evolving.

And so the message I leave each of you dear readers is this:

Wake up to your true self! Don’t deny any longer the voice within your heart and soul which has been silenced for far too long. Establish your own voice. Establish your own rules for life. Don’t agree, for the sake of agreeing. Don’t please, for the sake of pleasing. Stop playing other people’s games, using other people’s rules and sacrificing your own happiness to make others happy. In the end, nobody wins. As long as we continue to worry about how others will view us, perceive us, or what they will think of us, we cripple ourselves from the grandest expression of who we are.

Some will mistaken this whole write-up to be a promotion of some self-serving or selfish way of life, but I tell you that there is no better way to be selfless, then to live from the truest place in your heart and soul. The old model of the world teaches us that denying the self, to serve another is the right thing to do. If you still think this to be true, I ask you to look around. How are we doing in that area? Because from my perspective I see a very silent and confused world, where humans, animals and every aspect of nature is suffering because of the repression we have allowed to be placed on ourselves.

I truly believe that the majority of all the physical, mental and emotional disease states we see today are nothing more than a symptom of the repression of the true self.

You can continue to live life to please others, not wanting to ruffle anyone else’s feathers, being accepted and fitting in no matter what the cost to yourself. But in the end, the feathers that get ruffled the most are your own and, there is perhaps no greater pain than to deny the true self from its fullest expression.

As for me, I choose to be true to myself from a heart centered place, first and foremost. My intention from this day on, is to embrace my personal truth, integrity and honesty to a whole new level. Don’t expect too radical of changes though, as for the first time in my life, I am attempting to go beyond the restrictions that I have been conditioned to. I don’t know yet how far or fast this part of the journey will go. It may not always be easy, as it forces me to go way outside of the comfort zone that I lived in for my whole life to this point. But I am making a commitment to myself from this day on to think, speak and act my fullest truth.

I know those who choose to accept me unconditionally as I am, for my truest self, will continue to share in my path. And those who do not feel comfortable by my latest expression of my true self, will not. I understand completely and send love to you all.

May each of you embrace your own journey of finding and living out your true self in all that you think, say and do, honoring it fully. May you live it, breathe it and embody it on every level in your life. As you continue to evolve on your own personal journey, you transform this world to its truest nature of existence of love, peace, harmony and joy.

I can only imagine what the next 3 years will bring…