Marcomé’s story is deeply moving, both emotionally and spiritually. She shows how we can overcome our own obstacles and reach for a life where we are in control of our own happiness and destiny. She inspires us all to look beyond the past, learn from it and heal.
My journey of awakening and personal expansion
My emotional autonomy! I used to think my happiness and needs depended on external realities such as being married so I’ve put a huge burden on my first husband’s shoulders. Most of my happiness expectations were coming from my married life, being perfect as a mom, friend, daughter, my success through my profession etc.
After a divorce and other roadblocks, I was suffering; my life was apparently falling apart…
Nature and self help books were not enough to cure my inner self anymore. I started getting help from a counselor who brought me to realize that happiness is a state of being; it’s a decision to become responsible to take care of your needs…all of them! You don’t rely on external conditions anymore to provide yourself with care, love, food etc. Unfortunately, we’re shown the opposite most of the time in movies and on television series where people are perfect, rich, fusional, always have make up even when they get out of bed in the morning! I call it the Snow White syndrome. The consumerism preaches, “You are what you possess, your status in society, your job, your body, your beauty!”
Of course, one has to acknowledge that the responsibility is on his/her lap. If I keep choosing to feed my brain with those values (She/He should take care of me, I’ll be happy when I have this, do this, become that), I feel I’m condemned to more suffering. If I put the fulfilling of my needs in external hands, it’s a kind of emotional slavery.
With the help of books and some counseling, I reviewed all of my beliefs and I still do today every step of the way! To give you examples: “I’m fat, I should be perfect, My father should be this, my boss should do that, I’m stupid, I’m never good enough, Why is this happening to me, my spouse should know and so on…”
I realized I had been thinking in a kind of binary mode, it’s either white or black, no grays… no room for rational thinking, objectivity. I had never figured out till that point that I was unaware of most of my conceptions about so many things.
The sole permanent thing in life is the energy that keeps us alive, not the events of life. I often say, “you don’t have all the choices about what life brings you, but you have choices on how you will act on what’s there” Will you be helpful? Will you pick yourself up and be understanding, encouraging like you would do for others? If not, realize that you feed self-destructing ways of thinking; this is the absence of love…not love!
My Inspirations and Influences
My motto is “You are what you think, so be aware of what feeds your brain on a daily basis”. The tools I use to be a better companion to my growth include:
In order to keep track of my inner state, I spend time in silence everyday. I practice awareness. Being spiritual to me is awakening more and more and putting to practice what I read and meditate. I use writing if I’m facing challenges, I confess to my journal, read it back and use the logic of love to welcome my inner child or immature ego who has misconceptions about life and itself. I create music, and blog, both of which I share on my site Marcomé.com.
I read books that are inspiring and uplifting. I watch funny movies to change my mood and de-dramatize. Another film I keep on watching is What the Bleep Do We Know!? I need to be told that it’s somehow normal to be used to suffering, that it’s a common ground for humanity! I need to be told again and again how patient and perseverant one has to be in order to heal of those “misbelieves” and destructive emotional habits. Healing requires time!
I spend time outdoor almost everyday; I train and stretch my body so that my mind takes a rest! If all of the above does not bring me back to my center then I look for external help. If I’m still entangled in unconscious resistances and beliefs, I talk with my husband, my counselor and some good friends who can handle such conversations. They mirror me back what I think and it helps me be more objective, because I see it from a different perspective and I make a better choice – a choice out of the logic of Love…What would Jesus think, do..? Gandhi, Buddha? Put the source of your inspiration there!
Here is a collection of books and films I keep on using to feed my soul with positive energy:
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
My Positive Life Changes
I integrated the habit of listening to my thoughts. My emotions are my guidance system. If I feel good, no questions asked…goal reached! If I feel anything else, even a subtle discomfort I ask myself “What was I just thinking before I started feeling weird?” I’m now deciding and choosing to be kind to myself, nurturing, loving, supportive, patient, indulgent…most of the time!
The single decision that I’m responsible for my happiness and needs, completely changed my life in all areas.
One by one, all the situations of the past that used to make me upset or anxious or apparently fighting with life went through an awareness process. Do I still want to treat myself like this? Is my way of looking at this situation helping me, or destroying me? Am I realistic in my expectations toward others? Could my parents have done differently really?
Emotional dependency is amongst all of us; it’s a worldwide reality. Humanity is immature; wars, famine, extreme poverty.
Love yourself like others…do you?
My Next Steps as an Evolving Being
My single goal is to be happy in the now with whoever, whenever, wherever. It’s a lifetime work!
Being happy here means being responsible for my overall thinking and mental habits; Being happy to me is to become more and more welcoming, embracing, nurturing, caring, realistic, indulgent, patient, perseverant.
I practice the responsibility of love and the days I’m back in discouragement or rejection or any destructive judgmental habits, I practice mercy and unconditional love.
My Advice to Others
You are not alone!!! One of the first steps in the healing process is to acknowledge we are suffering. Then it’s to willingly decide that you are responsible now for your state of being and that you want to change. As long as you accuse external conditions, you’ll stay stuck in your past. One has to re-interpret and look at his past with objectivity. The people we grew with were mostly immature; the grand parents of our grand parents were immature. So… will you keep feeding the destructive habits?
The good news is that you’re not your past, your lost spouse, job, and sickness. Your capacity to love in the now is apparently locked by fear, deception that is part of a survival mechanism. This is normal. As a kid, you had to find ways to evolve in the absence of love and approval at times. So we all develop strategies to survive. For example: “I’m stupid that’s why my father treats me like that, that’s my fault.”
Let’s say an abusing alcoholic parent who was unhappy raised your own parent. Well this parent of yours had in him self destructive habits and the circle of violence ended up in your own life. Your parent did not like himself either. You learned to survive with this and it made emotional traps that you might decide to change from now on. Habits that are destructive: victimization, fatalism, over rationalization, discouragement, power trip, idealism and so on.
You have to grieve your inner child, embrace him and do the job of being a loving parent to yourself. This is the path to emotional healing, emotional maturity. Become the love we so much wanted when we were born and raised!
The past is to be used to better understand that you did what you could, with what you had and received. Now it’s up to your decision and will to change, heal, understand, study, comprehend, forgive, one day at a time.
You are not alone! You’re a divine creature, remember! Perseverance, patience and mercy are all required in your mental diet! Become your best friend. You’ll wake up and go to bed with your inner self for the rest of this life!
Success relies on unconditional acceptance of what life brings you.
I wish you courage & perseverance,